It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
