If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
