This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
