i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
