I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
