I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
