Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
