yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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