She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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