Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Where did you get a picture of my penis
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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