3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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