did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
