You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
