I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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