if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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