i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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