What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
