Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
