I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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