Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
