Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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