My friends, they love my intelligence
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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