they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
