You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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