cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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