yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
