Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You can't motorboat a personality
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
