I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize