This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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