my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize