May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
