I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
