I think I won the penis lottery.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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