she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
