Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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