Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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