I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
