and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
