I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
