my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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