we have officially lost it.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
