Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
