Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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