Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
