i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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