you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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