Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
