A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize