I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
