K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
