his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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