Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
