I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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