I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize