U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
