Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
