Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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