watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
