My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
