a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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