She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
