This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
