i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
