the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
