Don't make out with my wife yet
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
