I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
