We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
