the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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