Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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