Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize