I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
