I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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