im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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